I have started, deleted, and restarted this about a dozen times. I’m at that weird place where there’s so much going on inside my head, and so much of it is contradictory, that I don’t even know where to begin to pick it apart, pull out the coherent chunks, maybe string together a stream of consciousness somewhere in there.
I find this so unsettling–not being able to put my thoughts and feelings into words makes them so much more abstract, so much more…intimidating.
I can’t help but feel like I’m falling apart, even when everything in my life is falling into place perfectly. it’s like the calm before one hell of a storm. right now, all of the sine waves are lined up and in synch. but give it a day or a week or ten minutes and they’re going to shift, and then all of a sudden the hypnotic hum of consonance will explode into cacophony.
we tore our dresses and stained our shirts,
but it’s nice today. the wait was so worth it.
what a beautiful mess this is.
it’s like picking up trash in dresses.