sometimes I feel like recovery is one big mind game. the behaviors are one thing, but the mental shit is the real bastard to deal with.
when I’m really solid and strong, I can literally see the thoughts running across my mind’s eye like a teleprompter. and I can put up the wall that stops them from going any further. it’s my own mental “bug on the windshield” situation, I guess.
but when things aren’t going so well, I feel like the thoughts are racing by too quickly for me to catch, and before I know it they’re there, embedded in my brain, and I’m all of a sudden buying into them, believing them, almost by default.
I guess sometimes you’re the windshield…and sometimes, you’re just the friggin bug.