becoming infinite

always learning. always growing. always lifting heavy things.

do I stay or do I go?

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the sunday morning hot yoga instructor is on a chakra kick…he’s focusing on a different one every practice for the next seven weeks.  yesterday was muladhara day.

“Muladhara, or root chakra, is related to instinct, security, survival and also to basic human potentiality.  It is responsible for the “fight or flight” response when survival is under threat.  Muladhara is symbolized by a lotus with four petals and the colour red. Key issues involve sexuality, lust and obsession. Physically, Muladhara governs sexuality, mentally it governs stability, emotionally it governs sensuality, and spiritually it governs a sense of security.”

after I got over that fact that I spent ninety minutes begin told to spread my toes and ground through my feet (and now have the sore calves to remind me haha), I started thinking about the other things the instructor talked about.  specifically, about how blocks in this chakra can effect you.  he kept stressing fear–since it’s the chakra involved with survival, it is strongly connected to fear.

he challenged us to remain present, remain grounded.  suggested that, in those moments when we find ourselves irritable or frustrated or angry, that it may be our reaction to fear, and that we may need to ground ourselves, come back to the present.

I have quite definitely not been myself lately.  I’ve felt indescribably off.  and while I can point to any number of possible, potential reasons and stressors (traveling to kentucky in less than a month for a grad school interview, needing to get my ass in gear for said interview/piano exam, recital on saturday, the opera opening in two weeks, classes starting the day after tomorrow, my senior recital looming more and more), none of them seem…quite right.  maybe it is a combination of any or all of them.  but that reasoning doesn’t resonate with me.

I hate not being able to articulate what’s going on, not being able to pick out what exactly is bothering me.  because if I can’t figure out where the glitch is, I feel helpless to fix it.

maybe I should focus on grounding myself these next few days, especially with classes starting on wednesday and the late nights of rehearsals beginning with them.  grounding, being the present.  this semester is already going to fly by; I don’t need to be so mentally charged up that I exacerbate the problem.

leave it to yoga to get me thinking.


Author: jenn

impossible to define; indefinitely impossible. maybe i'll add more here later.

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