becoming infinite

always learning. always growing. always lifting heavy things.

the piano sounds like a carnival

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everything feels mixed up ad backwards and upside down.  but at the same time…there are moments, chunks of time, were I feel, so overwhelmingly, that everything is just as it should be.  that everything is right.

I got into UT.  I have a place to go for grad school next year.

my recital is a month from tomorrow.  I am well-prepared.  my dress is a stunner.  it’s going to be fine.  better than fine.

classes are tough, but good.  I’m learning a lot and enjoying myself.

I’m in the most amazing, world-spinning, stomach-dropping, breath-stealing relationship.

and recovery sucks.  a whole lot.

I’ve been meaning to write about this, about everything, about anything…for weeks now.  I haven’t had the time, haven’t had the energy, haven’t had the desire at any moment when I’ve had the other two.

I need to figure out what I want.  some things, I don’t need to figure out.  I know they’re just what I need.  but other things–grad programs, where I stand with recovery, what I’m doing to get myself through this semester–I need to work through, the sooner the better.

I fly back to CT tomorrow.  last flight (of FIVE) this month.  exciting.  looking forward to spending massive amounts of time…not running from state to state.  just…being.

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Author: jenn

impossible to define; indefinitely impossible. maybe i'll add more here later.

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