this morning’s yoga practice was focused on kali, the hindu goddess of destruction. we were encouraged to tap into our inherent ferocity, to not shy away from it, in today’s practice and in our lives.
one of the biggest factors in a successful recovery, for me, is believing in my ability to conquer my eating disorder. not rolling over and playing dead, as it were, not allowing myself to be steamrolled by emotions and triggers and fear, not giving myself the freedom to throw up my hands and give up, give in.
in a way, it’s about being relentless with myself. sometimes it feels counterintuitive; I’m not giving myself that kind of soothing, gentle, “it’s okay to have a bad day” wiggle room I may think, in the moment, that I need. there’s an element of tough love. you recognize that things are tough or shitty in that moment, you accept them (thanks, DBT and your radical acceptance), and you make the decision to fight.
above all else…you fight.
so today I am finding my inner kali. maybe an extra dose of ferocity is just what I need to keep moving through the recovery journey.