becoming infinite

always learning. always growing. always lifting heavy things.

learning to embrace things like fiveheads and a naked face.


since surgery, one thing i haven’t given two craps about is my appearance. it’s a gargantuan process just to shower and shave my legs without ending up with a faceplant in the process, so anything more than that is overkill. i wear sundresses all of the time, except on PT days, not because they’re cute but because they’re WAY easier than pulling running shorts over my Terminator leg.

since being granted admission into One Crutch Land, i do blow-dry my hair. which is good, because now that it’s not halfway down my back, there’s zero weight working to tame it by sheer power of gravity. i look like a burr immediately after i get done towel-drying my hair, so a five-minute blow-dry at least moves me from plant to human again.

not a cute look. trust me.

at any rate, i have also discovered that my previously short and cute pixie has grown like a weed on speed, and is venturing towards un-tame-able. i insisted, as always when i donate my hair, on longer side bangs, because i detest my forehead. i’m convinced that it’s distractingly large, and unless i’m at the gym i never let it out to play.

sadly, right now my hair, with it’s shortness and slight puffiness, combined with the long, sideswept bangs, is starting to look like a tribute to justin bieber. which is even worse than dealing with a fivehead. so today, before i hobbled my way outside for a “walk,” i bit the bullet and threw some bobby pins in my hair. dandelion puff tamed, bieber hair conquered…forehead exposed.

the other thing i have head slim to no time or patience for is makeup. i’ll occasionally throw on eyeliner because i feel like an alien without it, but the only time i really go out is to go to PT. and that usually involves tears, so what the hell’s the point?

now i’m sitting here with a totally naked face and an even more naked forehead. i wince, but only slightly, every time i crutch my way past the bathroom mirror. i still think my forehead is huge, and i still think that i look funny with no eyeliner on. but i’m still here, still existing; the world hasn’t come to a halt because my meticulous self-care and flaw-camouflage routine has been disrupted.

no, my wall hanging isn’t crooked. my lap is haha.

maybe this has been my baptism by fire, life forcing me into a little bit more acceptance and self-love.

i’m still getting bangs back when i finally make it to the hairdresser again.


Author: jenn

impossible to define; indefinitely impossible. maybe i'll add more here later.

9 thoughts on “learning to embrace things like fiveheads and a naked face.

  1. You are BEAUTIFUL with or without makeup!! I do understand this though, oh SO well… When I became disabled I lost (what I felt to be) my entire appearance. I can no longer blow dry my hair (nerve damage and arm pain/weakness), I can only spend the energy on a shower every 2-3 days (I used to shower at least once a day), I had to change my entire wardrobe (random articles of clothing aggravate my nerve pain), and worst of all I lost my heels 😦 it probably seems so silly, but I have had to really grieve it… I guess what I’m trying to say is that I understand, and I love you, and I’ve never seen you look anything short of gorgeous!

    • i love you so much ❤ i know how much you loved your heels!! you're such an inspiration and such a fighter. AND gorgeous, to boot!!

  2. We’re opposite. I have no forehead. U_U

    Cheers !

  3. After getting mine chopped off recently, I seem to spend about 70% of my day trying to tuck my bangs behind the holders on my glasses. And if I have contacts in, goddammit, I am going to go bananas. Hair putty goes only so far before I look like I have on an unruly helmet. So, I feel your frustration.

    As a side note, in learning to draw human faces, most adult faces are half-forehead. I think we tend to just think ours are MASSIVELY BIGGER than everyone elses.

    Happy birthday!

  4. You’re beautiful no matter what 🙂

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