becoming infinite

always learning. always growing. always lifting heavy things.

goin’ down.


yesterday i wrote about my dad’s philosophy on how everything works out in the end. easy for him to say – he found soul mate #2 two months after his wife died and now he’s happy as a clam. me? not so much. so to say i’m wary of his philosophical views is an understatement of epic proportions.

i’m split. i could stay here, with a sure thing (aka a job with health insurance) and two jobs i love, with the tantalizing carrot of a PhD dangling in few years out in front of me. or i could pack everything up and move back to CT, no job, not even a job prospect, and thus no health insurance/200$ a month for seizure meds to figure out.

i stay here, the relationship ends. k doesn’t think we can mend what’s broken from a long-distance standpoint, and she’s got too much going on with work to try it out.

i move, we give it a shot. maybe we work it out and things get better and we go back to being the very stable, functional couple we were six months ago.

but there’s always the chance that it won’t work. and then i have no place to live, plus either no job or a job i may hate. i wait it out until august and move back to lexington, start in the PhD program then.

i don’t know what to do and i need to make a decision soon. there are leases and plane tickets and general traveling things to consider, plus physical therapy and jobs and school.

everything is spinning and i feel like i’m being dragged down into nowhere.


Author: jenn

impossible to define; indefinitely impossible. maybe i'll add more here later.

8 thoughts on “goin’ down.

  1. Wow. That’s a HUGE decision! I’ve got some huge decisions similar in my life right now (minus the surgery part). I don’t know if you want my opinion, but I think you need to think or you FIRST, especially when it comes to your health. You have jobs and HEALTH insurance, which you Need it sounds like. To be honest, if she thinks it won’t work long distance, then maybe it’s not meant to be. I think if any relationship is worth it, if they are the one, it would work long distance. I recently went through a break up because he moved, and he had no intentions of even trying a long distance thing, so I just accepted it and moved on. Were still really good friends, but I have no desire to move where he is. and even if i did, I doubt I would want to date him again. Hope that helps!

    • thank you so much!! i appreciate any and all opinions and ideas at this point. the clock is ticking and i want to at least feel like i thought everything out well, ya know? ❤

  2. I’m so sorry you’re in this situation. I really do wish I had a magic crystal ball to tell you which decision is best. xx

  3. Wow ! A lot going on….. keep fighting !

    Cheers !

  4. Wow, BIG decision to be made… I’m really sorry we can’t help but wish you all the very best! x

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