yesterday i wrote about my dad’s philosophy on how everything works out in the end. easy for him to say – he found soul mate #2 two months after his wife died and now he’s happy as a clam. me? not so much. so to say i’m wary of his philosophical views is an understatement of epic proportions.
i’m split. i could stay here, with a sure thing (aka a job with health insurance) and two jobs i love, with the tantalizing carrot of a PhD dangling in few years out in front of me. or i could pack everything up and move back to CT, no job, not even a job prospect, and thus no health insurance/200$ a month for seizure meds to figure out.
i stay here, the relationship ends. k doesn’t think we can mend what’s broken from a long-distance standpoint, and she’s got too much going on with work to try it out.
i move, we give it a shot. maybe we work it out and things get better and we go back to being the very stable, functional couple we were six months ago.
but there’s always the chance that it won’t work. and then i have no place to live, plus either no job or a job i may hate. i wait it out until august and move back to lexington, start in the PhD program then.
i don’t know what to do and i need to make a decision soon. there are leases and plane tickets and general traveling things to consider, plus physical therapy and jobs and school.
everything is spinning and i feel like i’m being dragged down into nowhere.