becoming infinite

always learning. always growing. always lifting heavy things.

the right side of an invisible line.

4 Comments

relationships can be confusing, but you know what’s even more confusing? that awkward post-relationship limbo.

do i still use “<3” in text messages? no, let’s opt for the much less committal “: )” instead.

something random and funny happens. to text about it or not…inside joke seem too familiar right now. maybe i’ll just write it down for a few months from now. maybe then it won’t feel so awkward. but whatever it is probably won’t be funny a few months from now, either.

scenario: your cousin and your friend ask about the tattoos your ex just got and posted on facebook. the ones you had no clue happened. which is fine, because you’re no longer under any obligation to tell each other a damn thing. but you still feel incredibly stupid, and then annoyed because you’re bothering to feel dumb.

the conversations that pass through text are brutally normal. no silly words we used to always use – hell, we practically had our own language. i try and feel stupid, like i’m somehow crossing this invisible line – we can talk, but we can’t talk like that. not in the way we did when we were a couple, when we were so head over heels in love that we could have entire conversations with not one word that resembled standard english, but always knew exactly what was going on. no, now we talk like two regular people. two regular people who were never in love and who are politely chatting about weather and work.

it’s only been a few days. maybe the line will become less invisible as time passes; maybe i’ll eventually be able to see exactly what stands on each side. but for now i’m fumbling along in the dark, feeling for a light switch and only finding the smoothness of an expansive wall.

 

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Author: jenn

impossible to define; indefinitely impossible. maybe i'll add more here later.

4 thoughts on “the right side of an invisible line.

  1. *hugs you tight* You will find that light switch and be able to see that line one day. I think when we have been so committed to one person and so wrapped up in that relationship and it ends, but the love is still there, it’s so very hard to pretend it’s not or never was. I’m in a similar situation to yours, but mine lives three blocks away. And it’s like… do we hug or just shake hands? If I kiss him on the cheek, will he think it’s friendly or *too* friendly? It’s so confusing. We broke up due to changes in my life which will simply not work in a relationship at all, but the love is there. We decided to not see one another or talk for a while. Give us both time to find that light switch. Just an idea…

    • yea i agree, it’s hard to determine what’s too much – i just don’t want to make things more confusing, ya know? i’m so glad that we’re still talking and in contact, even if we’re not a couple, but it’s still tough. i think it will get better though, i’ve gotten a lot of encouragement from friends who believe so, so i’m going to go ahead and believe with em!

  2. I hate that stage of post relationships. It took about a month after I broke up with my most recent ex for us to start talking again. And now, we’re really good friends still, but that part was definitely awkward. And even to this day, we still talk about inside jokes between us!

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