becoming infinite

always learning. always growing. always lifting heavy things.

on a timeline.

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panera now limits its wifi sessions between 1130am and 130pm. (at least, the one in lexington does.) and since the internet in my apartment is out AGAIN, here i am, and i’m down to 18 minutes to make a post! do not expect brilliance, folks.

i woke up at six this morning and got to the gym a little before seven. this is close to my “old” routine. i was hoping that getting back to that might somehow trick my stomach into handling food better. i had a clif bar before i went, and that was fine. i got to the gym and biked for two miles, and then talked to some old friends for a while. by the time i got home around nine, i felt really good.

and hungry!

and the thought of oatmeal didn’t turn my stomach – the thought of eggs was iffy – so i made some oatmeal with peanut butter.

it was all downhill after that.

halfway through the bowl i could feel the nausea creeping in. i forced down some more…and spent the next two hours curled up in bed. what. is. this. crap?!

i have an appointment with a doctor – my PCP is away for the summer so i’m seeing somebody new – on wednesday. i’m scheduled as a skin check (i’m prone to carcinoma) but i’m bombarding her with questions when i’m in the room lol.

this is not cool. and it makes me chuckle a little bit, because five years ago, the eating disorder part of my brain would have been doing some serious happy dancing. what better excuse not to eat than the fact that it makes you legitimately ill every time?

screw that shit. i want normalcy back. ASAP. right now the only things i can eat are bland, refined carbs. i love me some carbs, but i’m not going to rebuild this muscle atrophy on corn chips and applesauce.

…i told you brilliance was not forthcoming. i wrote that in seven minutes, though. i might come up with something awesome in the next eleven!

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Author: jenn

impossible to define; indefinitely impossible. maybe i'll add more here later.

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