becoming infinite

always learning. always growing. always lifting heavy things.

what’s your facebook status?


i remember when facebook first started. i was at cornell, and we were in the first wave of schools to be included in the craze. and while i’ve spent my fair share of time on the site since i first joined in 2004, being laid up with surgery seriously increased my…face time.

i have noticed a multitude of trends in peoples’ facebook personalities. i’m pretty sure we ALL know somebody who fits each of these bills. and some of us may be guilty of falling into a category or two ourselves.

  1. the liker. this person clicks the ‘like’ button on every damn thing you do. they like all of your photos, all of your status updates, every link or video you post…they like it all. but really, dear liker…did you honestly like that photo of my friend eating taco bell drunkenly (and messily) at 4am? did you TRULY like that article i posted about the large wombat mass grave? these likers will also click ‘like’ on distinctly NON-likable things – “my pet hamster died last night” – only to then comment that they’re not liking it because the like it. because that would be weird. but what’s even weirder is the fact that you liked it in the first place! likers are just click-happy mofos who need to disable their mouse while facebooking.
  2. the facebooker for the cause. the actual cause in question here is irrelevant. whatever it may be, this person uses facebook as a venue to blow up newsfeeds worldwide. don’t get me wrong – facebook can be a great tool for spreading knowledge – but nobody wants daily invites to groups ranging from “save the beluga whales!” to “bring back the sing-off!” (yes, that really happened. i didn’t even know the show existed until a very impassioned facebook friend implored all of us to sign a petition to get the producers to bring it back after it had been cancelled. i’ll give you three guesses as to whether it worked.) anyway – while i will always applaud passion, let’s not kid ourselves. all of these facebook groups probably won’t do much to save the anteaters. or the beluga whales. and what was the name of that show again?
  3. the photospammer. this problem has gotten infinitely worse since the advent of camera phones, smartphones, and now instagram. documenting life events in photos is one thing; forty-six pictures a day of your breakfast, your bedhead, the squirrel sitting on the tree branch outside your window, the dog poop you almost stepped in, and various mirror self-portraits – every day – will make somebody with a slow internet connection want to snap your iPhone into itty bitty pieces.
  4. the play-by-play. i also blame smartphones and the ability to update your status via SMS for this one. i actually blocked somebody from my newsfeed because he literally would update his status every five minutes. “going to dinner.” “just got my dinner.” “soup’s cold.” …you get the idea. like i heard in a stand-up routine once…‘we’re not secret agents. i don’t need to know where you are every second.’ sometimes, less is more. a variation of this type of facebook personality is the one who, every morning, lists their schedule for the day. “5am gym then class at 8 till 11 then group meeting till lab at 1 and class at 530 then work till 9 and library all night EVERYBODY PAY ATTENTION TO HOW BUSY AND PRODUCTIVE I AM.” okay maybe the caps were a bit much.
  5. the confused tweeter. hashtags don’t work on facebook status updates. that is all. #oops #seewhatididthere?

okay so cough it up. are you guilty of any of these? (i totally am.) or even better – anything else you would add??


Author: jenn

impossible to define; indefinitely impossible. maybe i'll add more here later.

10 thoughts on “what’s your facebook status?

  1. You forgot about the “i’m obsessed about telling you about my child’s life”. that’s me.

    • oh and pregnancy trackers!! i’m at the age where it seems as though half of my friends list is expecting. i know what a fetus looks like at every week in the pregnancy spectrum, and i know way more about morning sickness and various gastric distress than i ever thought possible without having actually BEEN with child.

      remind me of this moment when i’m expecting, okay?

  2. I “liked” your post, I hope that’s not weird.

  3. Please do not forget the “I am crying for attention with my vagueness”. This comes in the form of posts like “Why do these things happen to me?” or “I hate everything” or “when will it end?” ad nauseum. There’s also the endless philosopher. You know, the person who pontificates on anything and everything, convinced that they are the smartest person ever. I completely admit to fitting into some or all of these categories at some point. The trick is to not STAY in any one for too long. Then you just piss people off.

    • haha YES – see i’ve totally been in some of these too, but brief visits are acceptable; settling, not so much.

      i especially appreciate the vagueness category. so true. so so true.

  4. The Passive-Aggressive Pity-Partier: “I guess nobody cares what I have to say.” (You only updated your last status 47 seconds ago. Maybe people have lives.) “Nobody reads these status updates, so maybe I should just not talk.” (Great idea! I will “like” and “unlike then “like” this status just because it’s annoying.) “Is this thing on?” (I don’t know. I’m not staring through your window watching you make status updates… or AM I? O.o) “I feel like nobody loves me. I should delete my Facebook.” (Ooooh just STFU…)

    I have one of these. She’s a sweet girl, really, but COME ON!

  5. I’m probably guilty of being the “liker” every once in awhile. However, I had to LOL at the pregnancy trackers! But WORSE….a couple of my friends would post how far dilated they were!!!!!!!! I was mortified!! I don’t like children/babies/being pregnant ect… I DO NOT need to see how far dilated they were!! So gross.

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