my mom died six months ago today. in some ways, it seems like these six months have lasted an eternity – everything has been more difficult, more draining. things have gone wrong at every junction, and just the effort it has taken to keep moving forward has been exhausting.
but on the flip side, it seems like just last week that i was sitting in the living room with my dad, my mom only dead for 18 hours, while he told me a story about a light green skirt and jacket suit he had bought her years ago that she wore everywhere because she loved it so much. clear as day i can see his face go from smiling to tearful and back again while i sat there, enraptured by this story i had never heard before.
the past six months have taught me that nothing is for certain. my mother never got to see me get my Master’s degree, she won’t see me get my doctorate. she’ll never see me get married and she’ll never meet her grandkids. all things i always just assumed would happen, were a natural part of the progression of things.
at this point, i feel like the rest of my world – my father included – has moved on. and while people no longer see me as “that girl who just lost her mom,” six months is the snap of your fingers in terms of grief. i still burst into tears while i’m driving. i still miss her so much it takes my breath away. i might play tough, but my heart remains broken.
hell, i’ve gone through three tissues just since i started writing this post.