becoming infinite

always learning. always growing. always lifting heavy things.

what can happen in six months?

3 Comments

my mom died six months ago today. in some ways, it seems like these six months have lasted an eternity – everything has been more difficult, more draining. things have gone wrong at every junction, and just the effort it has taken to keep moving forward has been exhausting.

but on the flip side, it seems like just last week that i was sitting in the living room with my dad, my mom only dead for 18 hours, while he told me a story about a light green skirt and jacket suit he had bought her years ago that she wore everywhere because she loved it so much. clear as day i can see his face go from smiling to tearful and back again while i sat there, enraptured by this story i had never heard before.

the past six months have taught me that nothing is for certain. my mother never got to see me get my Master’s degree, she won’t see me get my doctorate. she’ll never see me get married and she’ll never meet her grandkids. all things i always just assumed would happen, were a natural part of the progression of things.

at this point, i feel like the rest of my world – my father included – has moved on. and while people no longer see me as “that girl who just lost her mom,” six months is the snap of your fingers in terms of grief. i still burst into tears while i’m driving. i still miss her so much it takes my breath away. i might play tough, but my heart remains broken.

hell, i’ve gone through three tissues just since i started writing this post.

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Author: jenn

impossible to define; indefinitely impossible. maybe i'll add more here later.

3 thoughts on “what can happen in six months?

  1. I can relate to you on so many levels & want you to know that my heart & thoughts are very much with you ❤

    It's been almost 2 years since my Dad passed away and although things are getting easier, there are days when it is still as fresh as ever. I graduate as a doctor on Monday… a day which would have never come without the undying support of my father, & yet it seems so wrong (& almost unimaginable) that I have to stand up there without him…

    One thing I do know is that your mother would have been so proud of you. I am truly sorry that she'll never get to see you walk down the aisle or be the wonderful grandmother I've no doubt she was destined to be, but I try as best I can to keep my Dad alive in my heart & often see him in things that I do. Your kids can & will grow to know and love your Mum through all of the pics/stories you'll share with them, I like to think that she'll always be there with you all 🙂

    p.s. 6 months is definitely the snap of your fingers when it comes to grief – don't forget that, I promise you it will get easier.
    p.p.s. Driving is the only time I get alone too – hello waterworks!!

    Please remember you're never alone. Stay strong x

    • thank you so much. there has been so much change in the past six months that my life prior to my mom’s passing seems almost foreign. luckily i have amazing support from family and friends as well as colleagues, so healing, as slow as it may be, is a supported process.

      congratulations on your graduation monday!!

      • I’m sure hun, it sounds like you’ve been on a rollercoaster of late! :s I’m very pleased to hear that you have such a strong support network around you though & hope that you are able to confide in them.

        Thank you very much, the 1st day of the rest of my life (apparently!)

        All the best x

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