i’m flying back to lexington tomorrow afternoon. as is usually the case when i leave home to go back to kentucky, i am at once excited to be going back and getting back to the life i enjoy so much, and sad to be leaving my family.
since moving to lexington, my biggest fear has always been that something would happen to my parents, my grandmother, or k while i was 750 miles away and unable to get back in less than a half day. now with my mom gone, that fear has increased exponentially.
every time i leave, i’m terrified that it will be the last time i see my father. i visited my grandmother – after my mom, she’s by far the most influential woman in my world – four times while i was home. she just turned 79 and wish i could look into the future and know that she’ll be here when i fly back in november.
my life in lexington is great; a lot of promising things lay in wait for me. i have a lot of PT work to keep me busy, i’m moving into a new place, work and classes start in a month…life is good there. but every time i leave home to head back, i hit a wall of panic.
what if something happens?
what if i can’t get back in time?
what if my world falls apart again?