becoming infinite

always learning. always growing. always lifting heavy things.

new digs. new goals. new routine. no brace!

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NEW DIGS: i’m sort of settled in my new place. i officially moved OUT of my old one, so…settled or not, here i am!

NEW GOALS: i had a quick pow-wow with my PT on wednesday. i outright asked her how important nutrition is/is going to be in the rebuilding of my quad, and in recovery in general. her response to me was that, at a minimum, i should be getting 80 grams of protein a day.

holy lucifer. i don’t think i was getting 80 grams of FOOD, let alone protein.

once i left the clinic i started to seriously panic. i mean, clearly i’ll be gaining weight on such a nutrition plan. but by the same token…i’m way below where i should be, weight-wise, and my muscle mass is crap.

my PT’s goal (one of many) for me is to have my leg measurements within a centimeter of one another by the start of the semester. which is in three weeks.

right now there’s a five centimeter difference. damn.

NEW ROUTINE: i’m trying to start thinking like an athlete again, and not like a girl with an eating disorder. just because i’m not running 30+ miles a week and doing all sorts of walking, spinning, and general movement doesn’t mean that i don’t need fuel.

with the in mind, yesterday i had a clif bar on my way to the gym at 530am, a 20g-of-protein smart smoothie after my workout a little before nine, a peanut butter sandwich for a snack a bit after ten, a tuna sandwich and a lara bar for lunch at noon…and then i fell asleep at 4pm and didn’t wake up until 7 o’clock this morning. at least i tried!

seriously. i haven’t eaten that much and kept it down in months. and it pains me to admit that. because my eating disorder recovery is so important to me. because without it, i could lose everything. and i love this life i’m living; if it takes eating a shit ton of protein to keep it, then i’m going to do just that.

NO BRACE: my PT like my braceless walking better than with, so i’ve been allowed to ditch the Black Wildcat (as my friend nicknamed it) as long as i’m on flat terrain and there aren’t a ton of people around. i want to prance around singing ‘free at last.’ except that i cannot prance.

this post has been so disjointed and random. i have about three other ones queued up in my brain that i’ll spit out later!

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Author: jenn

impossible to define; indefinitely impossible. maybe i'll add more here later.

4 thoughts on “new digs. new goals. new routine. no brace!

  1. I hate to tell you this, but I wish I could limit my intake of food. Just eating 5 grapes makes me fat. ~.~

    • when i was training (aka pre-surgery) i literally ate enough to feed three grown men – i constantly had food in my mouth! but my metabolism was insanely fast because of all of the moving around i did. now i’m adjusting to having no appetite but needing to eat, and it’s so weird! but i’m sure it will get easier. : )

  2. I’ve enjoyed reading your blog. I’m doing high protein right now with the strength training…96 more pounds to shed. The protein shakes help! Glad to see someone lse long winded on their blog. 🙂

    • i’m in LOVE with smart smoothies – they’re my favorite protein supplement by far! i was always a big advocate of getting my protein from food/non-supplemental sources, but since surgery the smart smoothies definitely help me get to my intake goal a lot easier!

      glad you enjoy the blog! : )

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