while i was driving home after class tonight i was struck by a very strange thought: i was with somebody and engaged to them, planned to be married and start a family and live this wonderful life…and now there’s a very real and true chance that we may, just by virtue of our lives’ trajectories, never actually see one another again.
what a startling notion. that somebody who was so integral to my life for so long could very possibly never again physically set foot into it.
we’re both young and healthy and able to travel. our lives have just, in the months since we broke up, continued to diverge, both of us “free” as it were to make choices without having to consider how those decisions would effect us as a couple. my ties to my life up north are slowly dissolving – my father is transitioning to a new home in florida, my grandmother may very well be doing the same in the months to come. at that point, most of my family will be sunshine state-ers. unless i travel up north for a conference or our biannual family reunion, i can’t imagine i would have much reason to make the trip.
when you’re in love and far away, you do everything you can to minimize the feeling of the distance, to shrink the vastness of the hundreds of miles between you. but without the bond of a relationship, the distance becomes both more and less of an issue. less in that, you no longer are in the dreaded Long Distance Relationship. and more in the sense that, now that you’re not in that LDR, the balance of “750 miles” versus “making the trip” has tipped. my reasons for traveling to hartford all but don’t exist any more. all of a sudden those 750 miles seem a lot longer.
it’s a strange idea…that something that was once so strong has now been reduced to geography.