becoming infinite

always learning. always growing. always lifting heavy things.



this past weekend i made the conscious, long-awaited decision that i want to genuinely, actively start gaining. i’m still 15 pounds under my pre-op weight and it’s been 6 1/2 months. plus, i’m enjoying my lifts so much and the competitive fire in me wants to get stronger, see how much more i can do.

and i know that to get stronger, i’m going to have to get bigger. the weight i’m pushing now on most of my lifts is pretty impressive for somebody my size; i want to keep increasing my numbers though, and there’s going to come a point where i’ll have to add weight by necessity to do so. physics will outweigh (HAHA. no…not a funny pun, jenn.) my irrational desire to get bigger and stronger while still seeing the same number on the scale.

this week was an experiment of sorts. i ditched the granola bars and rice cakes in favor of almonds and cold cuts. i felt much better throughout the day – blood sugar was more stable, i’m sure – and my weight went up a pound and has stayed there all week.

i need to relax my reins on the number. i’m getting stronger, my knee is doing awesome, my runs feel great. i want to get stronger, and i still have a visually discernible size difference in my legs…so it stands to reason that, to put on mass in order to rectify that, i’ll have to…well, put on mass. as in, the number on the scale will go up.

my views on my own personal fitness, and my goals regarding as much, are constantly evolving. running is still a top priority for me, but i also want to continue exploring more serious strength work. i enjoy lifting, i like what it’s doing to my body and to my self-concept. i love feeling strong.

so now for the more fun numbers – this week’s lifting PRs in a nutshell:
bench: 105# 1RM
squat: 3 reps at 125# – pretty sure my ears popped twice, and again doing 10 reps at 115#
incline dumbbell bench: 4 x 10 with 30# – it’s completely comfortable for me to kick these up now. tentatively contemplating giving the 35# a whirl…
one-arm dumbbell row: 10 reps with 35#

getting stronger is awesome. gaining is a necessity for that. let’s do this.



Author: jenn

impossible to define; indefinitely impossible. maybe i'll add more here later.

6 thoughts on “reconciliation.

  1. Lucky you. I’m sick and tired of dieting. I want to eat cheesecake and munch on M&Ms.

    • not as lucky as one would think lol. i’m pretty specific about getting in a lot of protein, so there’s a lot of cottage cheese, nuts, and milk going on right now!

  2. A number is merely your relationship to gravity. Just a thought….have you tried rock climbing?

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