becoming infinite

always learning. always growing. always lifting heavy things.

growth.

5 Comments

i haven’t been on a scale since right after thanksgiving – i’m weight-restored enough that i’m getting my period regularly (TMI? TMI…) so i’m quite unconcerned and uninterested in my weight from this point forth.

so while i don’t know my weight, what i do know is that i once again need to unbutton my jeans to get them on and off. for the first time since may.

i also know, logically, that this is the normal way of things. jeans have buttons and zippers because one is supposed to undo them en route to taking said jeans on and off. thus, having to once again unzip my jeans to get them over my hips does not mean i got fat. it means i got normal.

i also know that, weight not withstanding, i am the strongest i have ever been. bum knee and all. my squat technique has improved tenfold and my depth is way better; i squat two triples at 115# today, ATG, and they felt great. i pulled three singles at 155# when i deadlifted monday. i can do pull-ups, folks. unassisted, cool-kid pull-ups.

plus i’m running well, running strong, running healthy. i eat well and often and mindfully. i feel good. some days, i feel great.

so why does it matter that i’m no longer waif-like? why does it still, despite my laundry list of reasons i love what my body is doing right now, bother me that i no longer need to wear a belt to keep my pants from falling off my hip bones? why does it seem so damn tragic that i have to unbutton my jeans?

recovery is a process. it’s long, and sometimes it’s lifelong. running, lifting, and yoga have all made me appreciate my body in so many ways. i’m strong. i’m growing, physically and mentally and emotionally. i’m getting there – wherever “there” may be.

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Author: jenn

impossible to define; indefinitely impossible. maybe i'll add more here later.

5 thoughts on “growth.

  1. i definitely needed to read this as of late. i have not stepped on a scale since thanksgiving either but as a result of how my clothes fit, i know i have gained weight. i tell myself this is me getting “healthy” and becoming strong to deal with the stressors of my new job. but it still catches me off guard sometimes. i have a drs. appt early in february and i am telling them i dont want to be weighed. first off, if i dont tell them, they will weigh me in clothes which add at least 2 lbs and will not be accurate. secondly, it is one of those old school scales where you can hear the numbers move. so i have decided to remove the common denominator. DO NOT GET WEIGHED. thanks for the inspiration!

    • no need to thank me! : ) i’m a huge fan of having no clue how much i weigh haha. somebody asked me that other day and i told them i didn’t know, but “somewhere between…” and gave them a thirty-pound range haha. they thought i was being cute, but seriously i have NO concept of my weight any more. and i think it’s kind of cool!

      • someone asked me recently what my “lowest” weight was. me being the smart ass i am answered “5 lbs 1 oz when i was born”. yup. they didnt know what to say after that!

      • BAHAHA love that. the only weights i discuss any more are the ones i lift! : )

  2. good answer!!! i cant say that since i dont lift [i was always the one that was lifted up aka cheerleading] so i resorted to the smart ass answer. either way it worked!!! i LOVE being snarky =]

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