becoming infinite

always learning. always growing. always lifting heavy things.

does that make me an academic? the first conference edition.

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well i survived my first academic conference. i didn’t stutter abysmally or fall on my face, and i didn’t get raked over the coals during q&a. overall, i call it a success.

we got back at two o’clock this morning. i went to bed not too long after, especially after realizing that i had the shakes from a combination of caffeine and tiredness – if that makes any damn sense. i came to this conclusion after falling into my closet while trying to take off my shoe.

now that it’s the next morning (and i slept until nine – glorious) i have some conclusions and thoughts regarding my degree and my sort-of future:

  1. in all honesty, if i could do it all again i would be in the fitness field, either doing sports PT or being a personal trainer. but at 18 i would have been terrible at that and it never occurred to me; ten years later, it would be a dream job. go figure.
  2. but since i’ve got all of this time and energy and money invested in this field, i should figure out how it’s going to make me happy.
    • i love teaching. and pedagogical research is definitely going to be my niche in the field.
    • there is an endless wealth of repertoire to be explored. i just need the time to explore it.
    • when something sparks my fire, i remember why i love this field. i have just been dismally uninspired lately.
  3. coming off this conference, i have a couple of goals for the summer:
    • score study/learning “basic” repertoire. mostly symphonic literature, but also a wider span of opera literature and major solo and concerto works. my lack of repertoire knowledge is my biggest academic weakness. once it’s summertime and i’m not taking courses, i will have time to just check out scores, put on some headphones, and get educated.
    • write a paper. none of the courses i am taking/have taken this academic year will result in a conference-worthy paper. come abstract and proposal season in the late fall, i’m going to be SOL unless i try and re-peddle the paper i just gave. so again, once i have time this summer, i would like to just explore some different avenues and write a paper or two. maybe one analytic and one pedagogical. it’ll be a nice challenge, and will hopefully get me accepted to some 2014 conferences.
    • analyze shit just because. one thing i love about music theory is the actual in-the-trenches analysis of music. and i don’t get to do that a lot any more. so which i’m immersing myself in score study, i would also like to just…analyze some shit. even if it’s basic harmonic analysis. and ideally i would do some schenker sketching as well. because it’s fun. and because i do what i want.

and there’s my weekend in a nutshell. after 7 hours total in the car and an entire day yesterday doing nothing but sitting and listening to papers and drinking lots of coffee on every break between sessions…my 10-miler ain’t gonna run itself. happiest of weekends to everyone!



Author: jenn

impossible to define; indefinitely impossible. maybe i'll add more here later.

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