i really did get my ass handed to me at this race today. my initial goal: 1:15:00. which i would have been able to do, maybe, pre-op. so i re-evaluated and thought, 1:18:00 is more realistic. that’s about the pace i ran for the derby half last year. but really, i’ll be pissed if i run anything slower than a 1:20:00.
cue: me being pissed, because my time was 1:22:52 and i rode the struggle bus the whoooooole ten miles.
i ran the first four right where i wanted to be – 7:40ish pace, clean as can be. but i never felt like i dropped into the pocket, never felt like i was in any sort of zone. and i mentally started to break down. i walked, either through a water/gatorade stop or to pull a twizzler out of my back pocket or, twice, just to fucking walk, probably nine times. i generally walk through water stops past the fifth mile or so of a half, but i’ve never, ever, just walked.
i was a hurtin’ unit. the entire time. i was seriously miserable and had no idea why i think this shit is fun or enjoyable.
i know i’m coming off major surgery. and that my legs aren’t as strong as they were pre-op. and that i’m also battling this obnoxious cold which has sapped me of my usual energy.
but i’m still pissed. and disappointed. and frustrated. i placed 82/360ish, and 6th in my age bracket out of 30. my knee fared really well; my calves are dying because the course had a shit-ton of long, slow upgrades. mentally those completely tax me; apparently the beat me up physically, as well.
my stomach is finally (5 hours after crossing the finish line) starting to not feel like crap, so i’m going to consider making something for lunch/dinner soon. i also have apple beer. that too.
tomorrow would have been my mom’s 62nd birthday. i’ve made an executive decision to spend it doing what she always encouraged me to do, which i tend to forget to do otherwise: i’m going to freaking relax. read, write, cross-stitch, maybe go to marshall’s or barnes & noble or target and idly shop. i’m not going to do anything i don’t want to do, and i’m going to try to smile more than i cry.