becoming infinite

always learning. always growing. always lifting heavy things.

go out with a bang.


this week – and my spring break – flew by. i got some good work done – today i pretty much finished up the exam and key we’ll need for thursday’s meeting, i have almost half of my evaluation project on paper, my measurement reading is nearly done, and i got a start on my final paper for my independent study.

i also bought some new fitness gear and new protein, which is actually pretty exciting in my world! and i have slept in (okay, the latest i got up was 6:45, but whatever) every day this week! and i PRed my deadlift. and my 3RM deadlift. and my 3RM bench. gotta love having nothing to do in the mornings!

now it’s friday afternoon, and i’m sitting here drinking apple beer and unwinding/taking some time to plan my upcoming week.

shannon (whose blog you should definitely check out) made a perfectly-timed post about running this afternoon, and i received an equally-perfectly-timed e-mail that both kicked me right when and where i needed it.

i have a 12-miler planned for tomorrow. all this week i had been thinking, “i got my ass kicked at the RailRunner. i need to be training harder, running faster.” but reading her post/the article linked reminded me that my thinking, like so many runners’, tends to be a bit backwards sometimes. and really, i’ve had veteran runners tell me several times that i train too fast, i need to lay back. and since they all train slower than i do yet beat me on race day, i know they’re right.

that competitive part of me just has such a hard time not treating every run as an opportunity to completely wipe myself out.

that being said – my goal for tomorrow is to calm the eff down. (put so delicately, i know.) i have twelve miles, and i want negative splits. but more importantly, i want to enjoy myself, be out there taking in the area (i’m venturing to a different part of town to ease my wanderlust) and enjoying what my body can do, not constantly trying to push it to its limit.

that’s what race day is for.

okay, or speedwork, let’s be honest.

so at this time tomorrow i will hopefully be blogging about how i had a lovely, luxurious (yea maybe that’s a bit much), enjoyable 12-miler.

i have six weeks until the derb. after last weekend’s disastrous showing, i know i have a LOT to work on. and it’s mostly mental – i need to be okay with being slower when i train. i need to not always have to be going my balls-to-the-wall fastest pace ever.

i haven’t completely given up my sub-1:40:00 hopes for this race, not yet. but that’s not my main goal any more, i don’t think. i would like to run it strong, with negative splits, and feel accomplished at the end. there’s a half in the fall in lexington that i can use for my triumphant blazing time if i like; right now i need to remember that 9 months ago i couldn’t walk without crutches, couldn’t go down a flight of stairs, couldn’t get into and out of a shower. 7 months ago i started running again, in 30 second increments, totaling no more than 5 minutes per day, 3 days per week.

only 5 months ago did i go for my first continuous run – capped at 15 minutes.

i’ve come a long way. i need to remember this.


Author: jenn

impossible to define; indefinitely impossible. maybe i'll add more here later.

5 thoughts on “go out with a bang.

  1. You did come a long way. i didn’t realize how far.. Yea, races…race to have fun, then race to finish and then start moving up and placing in your category or division. It all will come! The only way I would enjoy a 12 miler was to think about all I was going to eat when I am done….as well as running off the apple beer. Have a great weekend!

    • i got super-spoiled – i placed top three in my division or overall in three of my first four races. and then i started running half marathons haha.

      it’s so unbelievably warm today compared to our recent weather, i cannot wait to get out there! i usually don’t get hungry until about six hours after i’m done…and then i could pretty much put a buffet out of business. : ) happy weekend to you, too!!

  2. With chemo, there is only one day a week I can have a single alcoholic drink. One of my best friends has saved me an apple beer, after I told her you mentioned it a few times and I must try it.

    You have done an A-fucking-MAZING job, Jenn! Surgery recovery, especially on essential areas, does take a very long time until we’re back at full-use (for those who are so fortunate). You’ve rocked recovery like a mo fo! I’m veyr proud of you! ♥

    • Also, I am VERY proud of you. :oP Stupid lack of editing comments.

    • you have to let me know what you think!! i’m a huge fan.

      and thanks so much! i saw a fellow ACL recon guy at the gym today and we had a nice chat. he’s four weeks out and doing waaaay better than i was at that point, so the fact that i had just run 12 miles cheered him up for the future! it’s such a process, all of it. but it’s nice to get to the other side!

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