things get bad for all of us, almost continually, and what we do under the constant stress reveals who/what we are.
– charles bukowski
a friend posted this quote on her blog last night. it is exactly what i needed to read as i continue to desperately grasp for straws, trying my hardest to hold myself together.
i’m tapering a week early for my race because my legs are just beat up. i have a draft of a final paper due on monday and another project due thursday, both of which would be cake but i’m so stressed about other things that i can’t focus long enough to read all of the articles and retain the information. yesterday i had such bad tachycardia that my fingertips went and stayed numb for most of the day.
but at the end of it all…i got to watch a colleague play a stunning recital last night, i talked to k for almost an hour about school and life and slam poetry, and i incline benched 35# dumbbells today and they didn’t fall on my face. my class did really well on their assignments this morning and i’ve got my paperwork almost completely together for some things coming up.
if i think about the person who i want to be, the person who i want people to see me for…if i can somehow manage to be her now, in the midst of all of this, then i know i am evolving closer and closer to being her all of the time.