becoming infinite

always learning. always growing. always lifting heavy things.

olives.

7 Comments

excerpt from an e-mail to my friend, sent about a month ago:

(backstory: i went on a date i didn’t know was a date. with a guy who didn’t know that i actually date females.)

so we went out for a drink the next friday and i’m completely not catching on to the part about this guy wanting to get with me until his tongue is in my mouth and just in case anyone was curious NOPE i do not like boys one bit NOPE NOPE NOPE. not even a little bit. and i try and explain that to this guy and he KEEPS TRYING. like…dude i’m stronger than you are, for starters, so please let’s not play around here. and secondly, please don’t try and convince me that i want to make out with you because trust me i do NOT. that’s like somebody trying to convince me that i like olives even though every olive i have ever eaten has been god awful disgusting. I DON’T LIKE OLIVES OKAY.”

i went to this same friend’s wedding last night. hopped on a 7am flight to hartford, got there at noon, got ready and to the wedding by 7pm. i forgot my hair straightener so i needed to finagle an updo:

Photo 113

 

and i thankfully had a dress that didn’t keep me in lat jail all night:

Photo 118(please excuse my asymmetry and my inability to flex.)

the wedding was beautiful, really intimate and unique and lots of fun.

and then i got introduced to a nephew of the bride, who happens to be an oly lifter (which is the reason we were introduced), and who also happens to be the cutest human. and very fun to be around.

time warp: when i wrote about this, i failed to mention that the person behind the butterflies (which, yes, are still there to an extent) is of the male persuasion. i’ve only mentioned it to one person, in fact, because it caught me so off guard.

i’ve been attracted to women since i was in fifth grade. yes, i dated guys, but finally coming out felt like a huge sigh of relief, felt so right. that was ten years ago, and i’ve never identified as anything but a lesbian since.

and now this. it’s all really new and strange to me but oddly not causing me to panic per se. i’m just…baffled. confused. hence the text i sent to my friend this morning: “girl. i’m sitting here in the airport with morning-after hair trying to get my life together.”

because after thirty years…maybe i like olives after all.

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Author: jenn

impossible to define; indefinitely impossible. maybe i'll add more here later.

7 thoughts on “olives.

  1. I think sexuality can be fluid. Not always, but sometimes. And it is the attraction to a person, not a “gender” specifically… I am sometimes attracted to women as well as men, although I’d more commonly identify as hetero. It doesn’t make my attraction to women less real though. And I’m ok with it. xo.

    • yea i think women in particular do exhibit a more fluid conception of sexuality and sexual preference, as well. it’s just so strange to me, all of a sudden, BAM i was really attracted to this guy. and i remember sitting there thinking…”oh my god what the hell?!” i’m trying to just roll with it haha, see what happens!

  2. That happened to me once, which I how I ended up with my children. Never say never and see where you end up. Enjoy the ride 🙂 xxx

    • d’aww thank you! it’s crazy and kind of weird but i can’t deny that i’m still goofy-happy like i haven’t been in a long time, so…gonna roll with it! : )

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