becoming infinite

always learning. always growing. always lifting heavy things.


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All But Done!

as of this past monday, i am officially ABD. (which really stands for All But Dissertation, but All But Done works just as well…) passing my qualifying exams was the goal of this semester. i put training on the back burner; for the first time in my teaching career i wrote lesson plans the day of instead of the day or weekend before; i took advantage of the fact that we have no “official” dress code and my students have thus now seen me in jeans.

but it was all worth it because i passed and am one step closer to my PhD.

and now that it’s november and i can breathe a little, i can also sit back and reflect on what has gone down the past few months.

first off, i started dating this lovely lady (see below) in july. one of our favorite things to do together is acro yoga. i started out as our base but we were getting nowhere; one day we randomly switched and in five minutes i was up and in bow.

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this was day 2 of us messing around with me flying.

10405430_10101934463706025_3197186026047467459_nlast week or so? upside down bow. when i’m standing i feel like a very stout brick-human; here somehow i look like a spider monkey.

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can’t win ’em all!

besides that…training is going well. we’re continuing to un-yuck my squat technique. on halloween we worked up to a single at 225, did 3×2 at 185, and then closed with a widowmaker at 155. and then i tried to not puke or cry:

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my advisor instructed me to take this week off. no worrying about my dissertation, my proposal, next year’s fellowship…just relax. and i have been and it’s been great. i’m teaching 5 yoga classes a week plus i’m in the middle of a four-week workshop i’m running on yoga for athletes. i just booked my flight to see my dad for christmas, and the girl is meeting me in fort lauderdale for new year’s. i’m spending thanksgiving with her and her family.

sometime this week i want to come back and spruce this blog up. change the URL, maybe reorganize the pages, get some training videos up. i’ve got a instagram nowadays – @jenncanliftyou – if you want more photos of my silly faces and flexing and random acro things.

life is good. really good. maybe i didn’t get here quite the way i would have liked, but i’m really really content.

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change and things.

life is crazy. busy and stressful and insane and wonderful.

the semester has started; i’m teaching two sophomore classes. the faculty member i’m working under for one of them is a lot of fun and super laid-back. my adviser is on sabbatical this term so while i miss her intensely, she has gifted me her office as an office/study space in her absence. and it’s a beautiful thing.

my seizures have been out. of. control. these exams need to be over so they’ll hopefully settle down.

i moved. i’m sharing a house with three other people. i’m a 5-minute walk from my office and a 3-minute walk from a coffee shop, a fro-yo place, and a liquor store. aka i have moved to heaven.

 

10394511_10101746354408565_8498642638783457684_ni bought a bike. she’s fun.

i squat 275 with wraps last week. and then two days later i pulled 285 for six triples. i’m competing in two weeks, just for shits and giggles, and then our big meet is in december. if i can cut to a 56kg and not lose any strength i can put a serious scare in the national deadlift record.

i’m seeing someone. and it’s fucking spectacular. we’ve known one another for a few years, peripherally, and we started hanging out this summer. she’s somethin’. it’s a new relationship but i’ve got a good feeling about it. it’s relaxed. i laugh more with her than with anybody, outside of maybe my college best friend. we take things one day at a time. and today, things are awesome. hopefully tomorrow they will be, too.

my first qualifying exam is in 19 days. it’s my non-area exam but it has been eating up all of my study time lately. i think i’ll be fine. i have tons of outlines, i just need to commit them to something of a working narrative in my memory. then once that’s over i have exactly one month until my 8 hours of area exams.

this is a hurdle, a rite of passage. i’ll do well, but not without some tears and fits and  lot of caffeine, i’m sure.

this blog…i don’t know what i want to do with it. i have a new phone and i make training videos a lot now. i want to make a training-specific blog, especially now that i’m getting my technique de-bugged and starting to get more confident in my lifts.

we’ll see. it’s a process. everything is a process. change is inevitable. sometimes it sucks but damn sometimes it’s awesome.


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carpe diem, and go kiss that boy.

^ words of advice from a friend this afternoon.

this weekend has thrown me on my head, albeit in a really great way. i was explaining to my friend about everything – the guy, the fact that i actually really enjoyed being with him (i never enjoy people!! and i don’t like guys!!), and now the fact that i am useless 23 hours a day. in the half second it takes me to turn a page in whatever book i’m studying from, i get lost in thinking about him and it’s fifteen minutes before i can focus again.

and this conversation with said friend. i blurted out, “i feel like an asshole, i never even felt this way about the person i was going to marry! or wait, maybe i did, and then it got tainted after we broke up and i’ve blocked it out…” to which she responded, “NO! that’s what makes it beautiful. if that hadn’t happened, you wouldn’t be here right now. even if it was terrible and painful at the time. carpe diem, my friend. and go kiss that boy!”

i’m free-falling and it’s terrifying and thrilling and i can’t breathe but i don’t mind.


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remember that time…

remember this post?

i still have the sign up because it’s sparked some of the most hysterically funny conversations with random strangers in parking lots and even while stopped at traffic lights. i’ve had people even ask if they could take a picture of it.

and then i came home to this link posted on my facebook wall last night.

which was apparently on the front page of reddit for a while. a few of my students and friends had also messaged me saying, “hey i saw this and it made me think of you!” not realizing that it was actually my car.

so i’m temporarily internet famous.

and the interwebs keeps calling me “he” because apparently the fact that i eat protein bars means i am of the male persuasion.


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reborn.

this blog has been around for a while. among other things, it’s been here through the beginning of my relationship, our subsequent engagement, and the mess that was our break-up. that was nearly two years ago.

and now, for the first time since i started dating k, i am having the strangest experience: i have a complete, 100% crush on somebody.

now k and i started dating in the very beginning of 2010. some basic math will tell you, then, that it’s been almost 4.5 years since. that, my friends, is a long time to go without butterflies, and i had forgotten how that goofy giddy feeling can completely transform you. as silly as it sounds, everything has been better these past few weeks. all in part due to this dopey, schoolgirl-like feeling i’ve been carrying around.

for a long time after k and i broke up i clung to the idea, the belief that we would eventually get back together. and i think part of that was self-protective – i didn’t want to allow myself to fall for somebody else, anybody else. because what if they broke my heart too? no, it was easier to hold out, keep my past relationship in my back pocket and say, “no i can’t consider anyone else…because what if?”

i’m uninterested in ‘what if,’ i’m uninterested in what could have been or what might someday be. i’ve made a lot of tentative decisions the past couple weeks regarding my somewhat-immediate future, and i’m really pleased that i’m going to be putting some semi-permanent roots in a place that i have come to love, with people who i call family.

and one of those people also happens to give me butterflies.

maybe nothing will come of it. probably not. but that’s not the point; the point is i’m one step closer to being whole again. after mom died and k and i broke up and i lost normal use of my leg for nearly a year, my self concept was completely shattered. i’ll never get my mom back, but i’m finding ways to honor and remember her well; my knee is great and i’ve found a new sport that i adore and that makes me feel amazing; and this is like a final piece of the puzzle.

i know goofy silly crushes don’t last forever, but i’ll be damned i’m gonna ride this one out for as long as i can!

(back to your regularly scheduled posts about lifting heavy things.)


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hi hello i didn’t forget you!

spring break has finally arrived!! and with it will come posts and updates…just not tonight.

i have a very special post in the works right now, and i’m excited to share it with you all as it’s off my usual topical trend…but it’s not quite finished yet so you’ll have to sit in suspense!

but to tide you over, here are some highlights of life since i disappeared:

  • TEXAS WAS AWESOME. my paper was very well-received. i met amazing people. i ate my weight in fajitas. and i drank some killer margaritas. (hey that rhymed!)
  • we’re on spring break – did i mention that?! because we are. and it’s awesome.
  • i’m <4 weeks out from my meet. recent training in a nutshell:
    • squat 200# for a triple
    • squat 215# for three clean singles, belt no wraps
    • did my circuit max squat and got 315# with wraps and reverse bands!!
    • benched 125# for a triple
    • pulled 275# for a (very ugly) triple
    • feeling good about my numbers and my prep!
  • school is eating my soul. it’s my last semester of coursework and i am just riding the struggle bus right on into struggletown.
  • i’m visiting my dad and his new house next month!
  • i filed my taxes today and for the first time in my adult life i’m going to spend my tax return money. my computer is old and decrepit and breaks down more and more frequently, so i’m finally biting the bullet and getting a new one. so i’m not exactly blowing my tax return on something frivolous, but…my inner frugal queen is screaming.

there ya have it. bear with me as i get my feet back under me in the glorious span of 9 school-less days. i have three papers to write (finished one today) and then i’ll feel much more in control of my life!


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we had a 48-hour spring.

and now it’s cold again. kentucky weather is exhausting.

i can’t believe february is nearly over. i leave for san antonio in just over a week (AHH!), and spring break is breathing down my neck. not that spring break is a bad thing – it just usually is synonymous with “write all of my papers now since i haven’t been working on them throughout the semester like i should have.”

i have this week and next of training – Weeks 7 & 8 of my cycle – and then i start my deload the day i leave for texas. convenient how coach mapped it out that way, right? i take that week easy and we do a circuit max beginning on Week 9. then as we taper off my squat and pull, we start playing with my bench to figure out openers and attempts.

the deload will be nice – i’ve felt great this entire training cycle as far as strength gains and technique, but holy shit am i sore lately. i think the fatigue is just starting to catch up to me, and maybe the switch to keto has effected my muscle recovery a bit, who knows.

once we do my circuit max we’ll have a plan for openers, and some options for second and third attempts. i’m trying to not get my heart too set on a 700 total, but it’s definitely within reach if i keep my head in the game. (and keep my butt from kicking out from under me when i squat…)

keto-livin’ continues on. i’m planning on making cauliflower “mashed potatoes” tomorrow night so stay tuned – my next post will either include a recipe or a story about how gross it was! march means i need to get my body weight down to 60kg…wah. i’ll worry about that after i go to san antonio and eat a burrito the size of my face (keto or not, this may be my only time ever in texas and i’m having all of the tex-mex my little self can handle!)

hopefully the weather starts to warm up again – we had two reeeeeally nice days and i’ve been spoiled and would like them back, please!!