becoming infinite

always learning. always growing. always lifting heavy things.


in case you haven’t heard – i’m gay.

“oh i have a lesbian friend! here, let me show you her picture! i can give her your number if you want!”

…yes, that’s exactly what i want. because she and i are clearly the ONLY TWO LESBIANS left on earth.

“so…what’s it like when YOU [insert sexual act here].”

…the same as when you do it/have it done to you? no secrets here, folks. lesbians’ bodies are constructed juuuuuust like straight womens’ bodies. same equipment, i promise. and if you’re asking me this and you’re not an extremely close friend or relative, chances are i’m going to stare at you and then make an awkward comment about the weather. even if we’re inside.

“how many women have you been with?”

…how many men/women have YOU been with, foo’? if i tell you i’ve been with ‘too many’ then i’m a dirty lesbo slut; if i tell you i’ve been with ‘too few’ then this ensues:

“you’ve only been with X women?! are you sure you’re a lesbian?”

…no actually i’ve known since i was ten. i have no moral objection or reluctance towards sex. but for me, i need to completely trust somebody before i would even consider having sex with them. so just because i haven’t slept with a bunch of women, does not make me any ‘less’ of a lesbian. it just means i haven’t slept with a bunch of women. whatever your definition of ‘a bunch’ may be. but it can’t be too many, because…well, see previous bullet point. and this question and the previous one also fall into the category of ‘you had better be a damn good friend before you say this to me.’

from women: “do you think i’m hot?”

…why does it matter? shocking as it may seem, i don’t lust over every woman i come into contact with – just like i’m sure you don’t lust over every guy YOU see. so more than likely, i have not until this very moment even considered how attractive i deem you to be. and i will never, ever answer this question when it’s asked.

“i’m sort of bi/i have gay friends/i made out with a girl once.”

…do you like pizza? running? broadway musicals? sudoku puzzles? because i love all of those things, and i bet you love at least one of them too. we have lots more in common than the fact that i like women and you do/did/know somebody who does. being gay is one teeeeny tiny part of a whole lot of jenn. and it’s not even remotely close to the most interesting part. so please, don’t get hung up on it.

{this post brought to you by a little bit of pent up annoyance. i can’t believe i just wrote half of that. i’ll be mortified later.}